What the F is going on with everyone?

A good friend of mine always used to begin a story by setting a preface. Like, somehow he had to set it up for 5 minutes before he even began to tell you what was on his mind. I asked him once why he had to preface everything he said and he looked at me like it was obvious and said, “because I want to be understood”.

Wanting to be understood is in the most innate parts of us. We are able to identify ourselves and explain our viewpoints. Being understood validates our worldview and challenges our perspective but in between every debate is the essence of wanting to be understood. Wanting to be heard.

But some times we won’t be understood. And no matter how we fight, no matter how we try to explain, sometimes it’s not a matter of being understood but being correct, getting our point across. Sometimes we just want to be right. Don’t we?

But life isn’t about being right, life is about having the right to every opinion and every action we make. It’s about seeing the beauty in differing viewpoints and appreciating the differences instead of arguing over the right and the wrong. The good and the bad. The ethical and the unethical. Our moral high ground. Our book of law.

Who are we to tell someone from another country, with a different language, a different culture that our opinion is right? Who are we to tell our neighbor that they are wrong? So, maybe we need to listen more. Dialogue doesn’t always mean equal voices. Sometimes we learn more in silence then we do in conversation.

What I’ve been feeling the last few months has been a whirlwind of energy, rash decisions, spontaneous movements, and a need for a reaction. It’s subtle but manipulative energies and we’re hurting the people closest to us. We’re all turning ourselves into storms and taking out everything in our wake. I’ve talked to a lot of friends and I’m seeing it everywhere. I’m seeing a disconnect between who people are and their actions. I’m seeing it in myself and I’ve felt a very strong pull to disconnect socially and go within.

I’ve never been an anxious person but I’ve been having these crippling moments of anxiety when I have nothing to be anxious about. Intense moments of fear that last a maximum of 10 seconds and then disappear. Moments where my heart feels like it’ll beat out of my chest. I talked to my psychotherapist and he told me that many people are having the same experience, crippling anxiety out of no where in a person that’s never had it before. He said that the energy of the universe is extremely chaotic right now, and that a lot of people don’t even have time to feel their own energies. So, those of us that do are processing these anxieties for the rest.

Being an empath it’s completely natural to absorb the energies of those around us. We are strong enough to feel them because others aren’t but sometimes we get so caught up in other energies we can’t differentiate between our own. When this happens you’ll feel completely disconnected from yourself. But I’ve had to remind myself that it’s not me, and that I’m allowed to feel these emotions but I don’t have to identify with them. I don’t have to take them on as mine.

Whenever someone I love carries out a drama in their lives and looks for a reaction I don’t have to give it to them. Because I’m realizing that the things people say to me and the choices they make have nothing to do with me. It’s their drama, it’s their problem, it’s not mine. I can choose to not react to it, and not let it affect me. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it just means that I’m not going to join them in the agony. Right now that’ll make your friends feel like you’re pulling away but keep reminding them you aren’t, but that you come first.

Sometimes we aren’t going to agree. And that’s OK. And sometimes there isn’t anything we can do for one another. That’s okay too. Stop taking other people’s actions so god damn personally. Especially right now. People aren’t themselves, you aren’t yourself, I’m not myself. Live in that moment but know that nothing will be fixed tomorrow, and more than ever before we’re more disconnected and out of touch. That’s what happens when the world starts waking up. I know it’s scary for those of us that are already aware, but be gentle with those that aren’t because they are acting out. Love them anyways. Change is uncomfortable. Waking up isn’t easy because it challenges every paradigm we have.

The friend that calls you and wants to put blame on you for something, the partner that is telling you that you’re wrong about something, the parent that hasn’t been listening… now isn’t the time to shut them out, now is the time to love them more.

We all are trying to be understood. But we’re all unable to find the worlds right now. Love harder. Stand taller. Take care of yourself so you don’t catch and embody the negativity of others. We’re all hypersensitive beings right now and instead of ego we need humility. Find that place in yourself where you can be true to you. Currently we feel like we’re all ships passing in the night, but I assure you we’re all just looking for someone to take the time to listen.

So shut up.

I’ll say it again,





And listen.

To yourself.

To your partner.

To your friends.




Love eachother anyways because we all deserve to be loved just as much when we’re tranquil lagoons as we do when we’re hurricanes. I refuse to only love the good parts of someone if they don’t trust me enough to show me the bad. Do the same for others.




Mercury goes retrograde and I go sober!

Whelp! Mercury is back in retrograde again since the 5th after being absent since October. Interestingly enough we have 4 retrogrades this year, instead of the usual 3. Our first one has already kicked off until the 25th of January and I’ve already been feeling some major effects. If you don’t know what Mercury retrograde is, retrograde means that this planet appears as if it’s going backwards for a few weeks. It’s not, it’s just an illusion, but when a planet retrogrades it means that the ruling characteristics of that planet can “go to shit”, to put it lightly. Since Mercury is the ruler of communication, technology, and travel expect unsent emails, travel delays, misunderstandings and miscommunications.

If you happen to be a Virgo or a Gemini then you are more affected than others during Mercury’s particular retrograde because it is your ruling planet. Being a Taurus/Gemini cusp myself, I’ve always felt the immense power of this retrograde especially being the communicator and writer that I am. Let’s just say I hate being misunderstood and Mercury can make us feel a bit crazy when communications become unclear.

A friend once told me that Mercury retrograde is like the bad house guest who comes over, messes everything up, leaves a whirlwind in your life and personal space, yells at you and then leaves. She isn’t wrong, but this REtrograde is also a great time to REevaluate, REview, REnew, REfocus and REflect. Being that we are also starting a new year with a retrograde is a great time to REanalyze 2015 and start looking ahead. It’s a great time to go through old journals, facebook posts, and blogs to see where you were at and where you are now. The differences may be subtle but I promise you’ll make some interesting observations about the direction your life is going or is about to go. So don’t make the retrograde a bad thing, turn it into a chance to REfresh yourself for the next chapter! Be careful though, Mercury has a way of bringing the past into the forefront of our present! This can be a good thing or a bad thing, just be careful not to make any commitments to anything or anyone major during the retrograde phase. 

I read an article a few days ago titled, ’10 things that happen to your body after 2 weeks without alcohol’ and thought, what a great idea to REflect on 2015 than by starting 2016 out with 2 weeks sober! I thought it would be a great chance to bring myself into the present and spend some quality time digging deep and checking in with myself and my intentions. Well, what a nice thought I joked later that day as we finished our dives and my customer said to me, “would you like a beer!?” I guess you don’t have to twist my arm too hard because I did in fact want to share a cold beer, apres dive, with this lovely lady. Fast forward 3 days and I woke up with a hangover worse than New Years Day and realized that the universe planted this idea in my head on the very first day of retrograde, and although I have put it together in the past few days, it’s obviously something I need to do. So we are 36 hours in to our sobriety and I woke up at 6 AM with a migraine, then at 8 am to rush to the bathroom to vomit, followed by 6 hours of vomiting and rubbing peppermint oil on my forehead. The migraine has finally passed, in the same way all my aura migraines do, the atmospheric pressure is exceptionally high, and I’m glad to have a clear head to be listening to the lessons the universe will show me over the next 16 days. I spent the last hour doing a pineal gland cleansing meditation and it was made clear to me that this is exactly the way I need to spend this retrograde and my next few weeks. 

Because communication gets so twisted during the retrograde, it’s a great time to learn to trust our intution. When actual conversations can be so misinterpreted, without our intuition we may find ourselves frustrated and looking for an escape. Whether it’s a drink, a cigarette, or a social media binge,  all these things do is distract us from our own presence. I think that spending this retrograde really listening to myself and trying to focus my energy on being here now is the best way I can honor 2015 and welcome 2016. Whatever RElease you’ve been feeling from 2015, find a way to let it go so that you can fully move into 2016. Use this retrograde as an opportunity for growth instead of hibernating in your house and cursing your appliances for deciding to go on the fritz. Mercury will be back to it’s usual ways soon enough, don’t stress! 

For more updates on my retrograde journey follow me on snapchat @smilelotsplz.