Loy Krathong 2013

Loy Krathong is a holiday in Thailand celebrated annually in November. This year it was held on the 17th which was a Sunday. It is a celebration to the water gods asking for safe passage for another year. It involves buying or making a “float” from various vendors. Usually they are decorated with various flowers and incents and candles in the middle. You then add some of your hair and nail clippings and typically the thais add 9 baht because 9 is considered lucky for them. I added 19 to mine, because that’s my lucky number! 

I have to say, it was such a beautiful holiday! Watching everyone light of Chinese Fire Lanterns out into the sky, and the candles burning as the waves took the Krathongs out to sea. 

The down side of this holiday was all of the trash the next morning. Although they’re supposed to be made of natural materials, this isn’t always the case. None the less, I thanked the water Gods for a year of safety and hoped for another safe year for divers and water lovers alike.


smoke screens and mirrors.

i was wandering through the streets of little India in Penang, Malaysia. carrying all this pent up uneasy energy with me…

energy i’d been carrying around since getting back from Hawaii a few weeks before. Hawaii had already faded out of my immediate memory, it felt surreal, almost as if it never happened, like a dream. i jumped into my Hawaiian holiday and that 2 weeks in time on another island and jumped right back out and straight into the life i now live in Thailand without so much as a blink of an eye. but somehow i was still carrying the positive energy from my trip with me, and because nothing had changed except me when i got back to Thailand i was finding it hard to deal with the crossover of energy. i couldn’t figure out where to channel it and how to use it. 

as i walked through the streets my senses opened up. i could smell the sandalwood smell of incents, the bubbling of tikka masala and garlic naan bread, and i could hear the chiming of the anklet bells so many of the Indian women wear. in a daze i spent a few hours wandering around. low on money i wasn’t shopping, i was just absorbing, almost on auto pilot. taking the time to breathe and relax. 

i stopped and talked to a white Western man about Indian spirituality for about 10 minutes. he gave me all this great energy, a free book, a bindi for my head… and as i walked away he grabbed my hand and told me to trust myself. he told me that everything was falling into place. 

the next day i woke up early and walked down the stairs of the hostel and was greeted by this old Chinese man who i see every 3 months. he has to be just the greatest old dude- big smile on his face always. remembers me by name for about 8 months now, and always makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. sometimes a little hard to understand, but his smile tells you how genuine he is. as i ran out to grab my usual cream cheese bagel from the shop around the corner, he asked me where i was heading. i told him i wanted to get my fortune read in Little India today. he looked me in the eye and said, “walk across the street to the Chinese temple and when you get inside the doors go to the left and look for a series of boxes along the wall. they will be numbered 1-30, choose your favorite number and grab the piece of paper inside the box. bring it back to me and i will read your fortune for you”. 

i did as Charlie said, well, because Charlie’s a smart man. it rained hard as i put up the hood on my raincoat and marched confidently across the street. i walked inside the temple and chose my 19 and went back to him. since it was in Chinese he read it first out loud then translated it for me. he said, “whatever you want to do right now, do it. now is your time. you will have good luck. whatever you have been questioning right now, it’s the time to act on i. don’t doubt yourself”. 

i thanked him and marched back into the rain with a smile on my face back towards Little India. i found an old man at the astrologist booth and told him my birth stone, emerald green. i then chose an emerald that appealed to me out of a silk bag. he thought for a few minutes and then said, “you are feeling a new kind of change coming on and you must listen to yourself more now. many feelings and emotions you are having are causing you to doubt yourself. don’t”.

as i walked back into the rain i exhaled gratitude and i inhaled understanding, love and confidence. later that evening when i had picked up my visa and was supposed to head towards the airport i found myself with my pack on, checked out, wandering around chatting with people. a nice Indian man offered to give me a free ride to the airport so i didn’t have to pay. being short on money this is what i was looking for. now, i didn’t realize at the time how absolutely eccentric Durai was. Durai, is his name by the way. by the time i had left the car i had been gifted 2 stacks of business cards, 4 menthol cigarettes, a stuffed dog on a key chain he insisted i name Durai and place on my pillow every night, and yesterday’s newspaper- you know, incase i get bored in the airport. he probably gave me 10 kisses on each cheek, shook my hand 20 times and over and over reminded me that i was his friend. but all in all, this crazy man was nice enough to help me and although i wanted to throw myself out of the car sometimes because he wouldn’t stop talking, i appreciated Durai all the same for his small act of kindness.

after a 13 hour journey back to Phuket, a layover in Kuala Lumpur and 2 flights delayed 4 times, I arrived safely around 5 am. reluctant to pay the usual taxi fare of about 45 USD to my side of the island but so exhausted i almost didn’t care, i inquired at the taxi desk to see what the current rates were since the buses weren’t running yet. as i asked about Rawai a man walked past me in a hurry saying, “i’m heading that way if you want a lift”. i looked at him, then at the lady, thanked her and hurried after him. i followed him to his truck, threw my bag in the back and jumped in. i find out later that he actually wasn’t going my way at all but he had received so many free rides from people he wanted to pay it forward. he went a total of 1.5 hours out of his way to give me a ride back. and i slept soundly the whole way. 

now, i guess when we try to plan so meticulously and worry so much we lose sight of the ability to trust the process and trust the universe. the minute that we give ourselves up to life, and say to ourselves, “don’t worry, we’ll find a way” we do, without even thinking. we bring and manifest positive things into our lives when we stop stressing about the little shit. 

Happy Thanksgiving to my family all around the world. i am blessed on my journey and i hope you are feeling ultra thankful today. xxxx

these lyrics need to get outta my head…! 

“Bad Idea”

What is this I feel about you?
Hoping not to make it an issue
I don’t wanna be nice at all
You’re only causing trouble,
Are you can stay if you want to

And being in love with you seems like a really bad idea
But when I’m not with you I’m wishin I could have you nearer

Please do not allow me to miss you
I’m tryin my best to keep my distance
I don’t wanna give you my heart
But it seems to like you a lot
Do you feel the same way, too?

But being in love with you seems like a really bad idea
But when I’m not with you I’m wishin I could have you nearer

I’m never gonna, never gonna, never gonna

Be that girl again who trust you when you’re over
And falling in love with the wrong kind of boy who will only break my heart to a million pieces
Oh I went through it before I’ve had enough heartaches
Now I’m trying be smart about it
But you just crash in like the waves
Now all I think about is you

But being in love with you seems like a really bad idea
But when I’m not with you I’m wishin I could have you nearer
Being in love with you seems like a really bad idea
But when I’m not with you I’m wishin I could have you nearer
You near, you near, you near, you near
Such bad idea
Okay [laughs]


What do you want out of life?
I want to get lost and then find myself
and realize I was never lost at all.
I want to drive into the sunset and out of the sunrise.
I want to fit next to your body like a jigsaw piece
and wake up every morning to your hashbrowns
and our faces made of eggs and bacon and pears.
I want to catch the bug that makes me itch to move.
New roads and new landscapes.
I want to be content and I want to be released
and I want to see spring swell up from the Earth
again and again and a thousand times over.
I want me to be my past and you to be my present
but I want my future to be a blank stretch of pavement,
wet cement, unblemished and free.
-Elizabeth Cunningham


September 13, 2011 at 12:33am (just found on FB recently. forgot about this gem)


“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”
— Unknown