this is way too good. i had to repost it!

10 Lessons Everyone Learns In Their 20s

JAN. 25, 2013 

1. Metabolism isn’t magic.

It’s hard not to get used to the grotesque Roman orgy of eating habits that is youth. You can live on an uninterrupted diet of Mountain Dew, Doritos, and the errant Toaster Strudel for when you’re feeling like doing a bit of kitchen work, never seeing an ounce of your folly go straight to your carefree hips. Then, at a certain point, you eat an Oreo and can actually watch that bad boy travel from your esophagus to your ass if you stand in front of a full-length mirror. And the energy you constantly felt, regardless of the day’s activities or the time you’d gotten up that morning? Now, if you’re not living on a diet of nothing but kale and Yoga For Self-Righteous People, you’re essentially comatose by 3 PM. It appears that being healthy requires work, and few things in life seem to suck more than that fact.

2. People evolve at different speeds.

Look in your phone contacts. Pick out any two random 25-year-olds. Tell me what they’re both doing with their lives. Chances are that one of them is spending most nights scrounging around on Facebook for a good electronica show where they can get in for less than five dollars and hopefully score some free molly from an acquaintance because they’ve been out of a job for about four months. And it’s likely that the other is currently married with a house purchased in a nice-but-still-kind-of-hip suburb and is excited at the prospect of zestily reproducing in the next few years. One of them is getting monogrammed kitchen towels and handmade soaps for the guest bathroom, while the other is posting seven statuses a day from the comfort of their living room whilst getting high and watching reruns ofMaury and eating Gogurt. And neither of these are right or wrong.

3. Having kids isn’t (always) the end of the world.

While there are always going to be the friends who fall off the face of the planet in a jumble of sanctimonious Facebook comments over how much more fulfilled her life is now that she’s a mother, that is far from being the case for all who spawn. Outside of the ones whose lives become a blur of ultrasound photos and breast pumps, there are going to be many cool moms who are still totally interesting and who have just happened to push another person out of their body recently. And though it is undoubtedly terrifying the first time you see someone you used to hold beer bongs for announce that they’re bringing another human being into the world, you soon realize that it doesn’t always signal the death of a friendship.

4. Weddings are weird.

People lose their fucking minds over weddings. They just go completely insane, evacuate their bodies, and let the cavernous entity be filled with some kind of Viking trickster imp whose sole purpose in life is to complain about stress and pick out floral arrangements. I know people who recently got married and rode in on matching horses with rose petals all around them and the groom wearing a top hat. These are real people who otherwise do normal things, such as go to the movies, get a beer with friends, watch the news, and go to work on the subway instead of on MATCHING FUCKING HORSES. We must all learn to excuse these temporary lapses in judgment, as they have been brought on by Wedding Fever, and are not an accurate reflection of who this person is as a whole.

5. People are pretentious about jobs.

Essentially, when it comes to jobs, you can’t win. There is always going to be someone with something incredibly snarky and presumptuous to say about your life and your choices. If you’re working as an assistant somewhere, someone will tell you that you shouldn’t have picked such a “useless major” and that you deserve to be stuck in your coffee-fetching fate. If you’re in service, people will harangue you about when you’re planning on getting a “real job,” as though that isn’t somehow the most insulting thing a human being could say to you. If you’re working long hours at a hard-won corporate job, people are going to hold it against you when you can’t do coke until five in the morning and show up fresh-faced for the big meeting the next day. You just can’t win, so it’s best not to try.

6. The rental market is out to get you.

There will come a moment when you realize that so much of your life and the lives of your friend seem to center around where you’re all living. Who has a good apartment? Who’s in a good location? Who was forced to drag themselves out to the exterior suburbs with their tail between their legs? Whose parents are paying their rent for them? It’s the moment in life where it’s not at all unclassy to be like “Hey, how much do you pay for this place, if you don’t mind me asking” and either be sent into a blind rage or a feeling of smug victory at the response.

7. Credit is the devil.

At some point between looking at how much money you still owe a student loan organization for all of those misguided choices you were goaded into making by guidance counselors somewhere around junior year of high school, and having to cut up the one credit card you ever owned because you discovered that it was only a matter of time before that thing was going to be used to pay for drunken Taco Bell, you figured it out. Credit is just the worst, and our parents left us a financial world that is essentially one of those sets from old western movies where the building fronts are just propped up on stilts and could blow over with a particularly robust burst of wind. We must try not to recreate the same.

8. Partying must be done in moderation.

There will come the hangover that makes you understand this, and you never know exactly when it’s going to be. You’ll go balls-to-the-wall at some party because, hey, you’re young and beautiful and that terrible David Guetta song is playing and why not. And if this were your 19-year-old self, you would just wake up the next morning, brush the vomit off of your jacket, and go to an all-day music festival in the baking Tennessee sun. But you’re not, and so instead, you wake up feeling as though someone is standing over you with a jackhammer to your temple and a Quiet Riot record playing at top volume and double speed through the bedroom window. And it is at that moment where you swear to whatever being you pray to that, next time, you’re having a glass of water between every drink.

9. You will never please everyone.

Though this is a lesson that is undoubtedly learned at every stage of life, and through varying degrees of emotional pain, the 20s are a great example of people’s tendency to poo-poo your decisions even though no one fucking asked them. This is the time to be choosing your career path, living situation, geographical location, romantic goals, and every other direction you want to be heading in your young life. You don’t have it all down yet, but you’ve got some vague ideas. And it is at this point that Judgmental Judy and her friends Financially Feasible Fran and Smugly Superior Stanley are going to come over to your house and tell you how all about what you’re doing is not good or right, as though it involves them in any way. Get married, and friends will call you lame. Stay single, and your bitchy aunt will judge you over Thanksgiving dinner. Move away and people will miss you. Stay and they’ll be sick of you. No matter what you do, there will be at least a few people who think you’re an idiot for doing it.

10. Friends are not forever.

The people you grew up with are not going to universally be there at every milestone after college. They’re not going to be there, and many of them aren’t going to care. And though it’s hard to accept at first that you can go from getting high with someone in a Celica every day after school to never hearing from them until someone else mentions their pending nuptials on Facebook, it’s for the best to remember that they don’t really matter. We only have room for so many real friends in life, and if some are so fair-weather as to jump ship the second you move one county away, you didn’t need them anyway. TC mark

actual article here:


Detox: Last day and post detox!

So I finished off day 7 of my juice detox strong as ever! My appetite was down and I was feeling fabulous. I couldn’t wait to go home and get to sleep so I could wake up and eat food again! Yesterday I was on the boat so I brought my Gazpacho soup in a thermos and put it in the ice chest for lunch. For breakfast I had a banana and that went down well. I had a snack of watermelon and pineapple on the way back then for dinner I ordered glass noodles with vegetables. My stomach was a rockstar!

Tonight I am taking my divemaster candidate out for dinner to the Wine Connection. I missed going there last week on her birthday because of my detox so we’re going out tonight to “recelebrate”. Their salad’s are delicious and I cannot wait!

Well folks, there’s all my detoxing updates. I just ate some potato salad from my friend Ben of Ben’s Deli here in Kata Beach and although it was really delicious I don’t think my stomach knows what to do with the mayo. I am now googling vegan potato salad recipes… 🙂

Cleanse: Day 6

So I’ve come to the end of day 6 at last! Only another 36 hours and two sleeps until I wake up and get to eat some solid food again! Ooooo how I’ve missed utensils! I had another dream last night about cheating and ironically enough I cheated with fried chicken… again! What is it with me and fried chicken? I don’t even crave or really like fried chicken. Ah well the subconscious mind is a crazy thing! 

So day 6 has come to a close and I felt great all day. No real cravings, no headaches, no lightheaded-ness, just really starting to crave my next real meal. Now I know I can’t jump straight into a big meal because my stomach has shrunk and I don’t want to send my digestive system into a complete outrage, so I’m going completely raw/vegan for the first 3 days and then will decide if I want to go back to the occasional piece of meat or dairy. But I’m kinda leaning towards no… we’ll see how that goes. Cheese is my weakness! And salmon, I love salmon.

So tonight I spent an hour making this raw vegan gluten free gazpacho soup recipe (which gazpacho soup mostly is anyways) but I made the healthiest version I could find. I figured soup is pretty much like juice, so this should work out great! It looks delicious and I cannot wait to try it! Since gazpacho soup is like Spanish wine and gets better with time, 36 hours from now it should taste aMaZiNg. Here’s the recipe if you wanna try it out:


Only one more day… I got this! 

Cleanse: Day 4 & 5

Sorry I haven’t written the past 48 hours but I’ve been a wee bit distracted! Yesterday I had my 15 year old girl on the boat doing a Discover Scuba Dive. She had fun but I pretty much had to drag her around underwater because she refused to use her fins which was a lot of work for me! I hate having to remind people that I am not an underwater taxi.

I brought the juices I needed with me on the boat and stuck them in the cooler right away. It was really wavy on the way out but I normally don’t have a problem with that. The first hour was fine until I decided to drink my second juice of the day… the orange and pineapple. Well… bad idea. I think the acidity hit my stomach since there wasn’t any “solid” food in it and all of a sudden I went running to the restroom where I had to throw up just a little bit. This was kinda upsetting because I only get so much food but I kept the rest in and then it passed and I was fine! Whew! Close call. After that the rest of the day was great. My headaches came on again last night and I was feeling exhausted. After I finished work at 8 I went home and was asleep by 9. Although I had a day off I’m used to getting up around 9 for work so I happened to wake up at 8:45 this morning and realized that 12 hours was more than enough sleep! I guess I really needed it. 

Today I had a relaxing day of a massage and body scrub to aid in the detox. It felt amazing! I have never had a body scrub before and it was sooooo wonderful. I recommend it! Then my boss, Chantal took me to the Hilton to relax. She has a membership and the Hilton has 6 pools and the whole works- multiple restaurants, golf course, waterfalls and slides, tennis courts, and a spa. It’s huge! Just walking around it was a great exercise. We did lots of swimming and laid around reading books for a few hours. 

Today I felt even less hungry and had only one juice until 2 o’clock. It’s getting so much easier but I can’t wait to taste something different in the next couple days. Gotta be honest, the juices are great but I miss using a fork! Or chopsticks… same same.

Anyways, not the most exciting update today but I am relaxing again and felt unmotivated to fill you in today! XXXX

2 days left 🙂

I had to repost this because it’s sooo hilarious! If you don’t like swear words, try to have a sense of humor. Or at least try the green smoothie every morning that I challenged you to previously 🙂


THERE’S SO MUCH GOD DAMN SPINACH in this shit even Popeye can’t hate. Yeah spinach makes you swoll as fuck, we know that. But did you know just one cup of spinach is over 300% of your daily recommended Vitamin A? Sweet fuck. You worried about acne? Wrinkles? Any other skin shit? Spinach to the mother fucking rescue. That shit keeps your skin looking so fresh and so clean, not to mention helping to prevent skin cancer. Spinach has these plant-based compounds called “flavonoids” that not only repair damaged skin but also fight multiple types of cancer. Everybody knows I ain’t even fucking playing when it comes to dick cancer, I gotta have my shit in tact.

IF YOU SMOKE cigarettes (tumblr crew I’m looking at you), DO NOT take any Vitamin A or beta carotene supplements. Studies have shown that combining those supplements with tobacco drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. But then again, smoking drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. So quit that shit.

You want to make this shit at home and tell Jamba Juice they can go fuck themselves by not paying for their high calorie sugary shit? Recipe below for a Thug Kitchen Original:

Ectoplasm free and Dr. Venkman approved

  • 2 handfuls of spinach (about 2 cups)
  • 2 frozen bananas
  • 1 cup chopped and skinned cucumber
  • 4 medium chunks of pineapple
  • 1 cup coconut water or tap
  • ¼ cup orange juice
  • 1 tablespoon flax oil (optional)
  • 6-8 mint leaves (optional, but I dig that shit)
  • yields ~20 ounces

Toss that shit in a blender and zap it. If you prefer it a little sweeter, add some more pineapple to that shit. DRINK UP, CHAMP.

Seriously though, fuck Jamba Juice. Only they could make smoothies as unhealthy as McDonald’s made oatmeal.

Cleanse: Day 3

So it’s the end of day 3 and I’m officially starting to feel like a fully functioning person! The headaches stayed away all day, I drank more water than the previous 2 days, I haven’t felt hungry and my head is a bit clearer than it was this morning! Tomorrow I’m going on the boat teaching a Discover Scuba Dive to an Indian family, and because my juices are already in my fridge, I’ll bring them on the boat and throw them in the cooler to enjoy throughout the day! Easy peasy.

I was at the office all day today and since it was slow I decided to watch a documentary that I’ve been hearing so much buzz about lately. It’s called “Forks Over Knives”, a movie that “examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled or even, reversed, by rejecting our present menu of animal-based and processed foods” (film producers). 

Let me tell you, current dietary choices aside, bias aside, it is 96 minutes of jaw dropping information. If you aren’t a documentary person (which is really too bad) or are already rejecting that this “information” isn’t something you would like to listen to because “we need meat” and “where else does one get protein” and “dairy isn’t bad for you” yada yada yada blah blah blah, well then don’t watch it. But if you’re willing to open up your mind a bit and at least listen to the studies (yes STUDIES) conducted your mind will be blown.

I’m not saying that I’m going to completely cut out meat, I’m just going to be much more aware of what I’m eating from now on. Now, I was raised with parents who have always encouraged green veggies and plenty of water among other healthy eating habits that I still practice to this day; I’ve dabbled with gluten free, Paleo, raw food and vegan diets but I think putting myself in a category has always set me up to fail. What I need to do is start paying attention to the portions and make sure that I eat less meat and more veggies instead of the other way around. Less grains and less dairy. More alkaline foods versus acidic foods. More green stuff! 

Alright, my rant is over. But watch the documentary, really… you can watch it online for $3.99 on or go out and rent it from the local movie theater or Netflix. You’ll be glad you did.

And even if you don’t agree, well they always say… knowledge is power 🙂

Cleanse: Day 2

Alright, alright I forgot to write yesterday! But, in my own defense, in my precious 2 hours of writing time I had between 6-8 at the main shop during work my detox headache symptoms had come on quite strong just before, and I spent the remaining 2 hours at work chugging about 2 liters of water and researching detox related symptoms, particularly headaches. They were intense, let me say that much! My brain was really cloudy and I was even having a bit of a hard time getting my eyes to focus on the screen. Now, normally I would think a migraine was coming on, but this was a different feeling then the auras I typically get before my migraines. I just felt, well, BLAH. Needless to say right before work ended I managed to get my headache to disappear with about 16 oz of coconut water and 2 liters of water. 

From my research last night, headaches are common the first few days as your body is trying to get rid of the built up toxins at such a high rate that it can cause dizziness and headaches OR migraines. I had gotten a bit of a headache for a few hours in the middle of the day on day one, but nothing like last night’s. Headaches can also be attributed to the fact that one is dehydrated. There’s a lot going on in the body during a detox and keeping yourself hydrated is the most important thing. I kept thinking, “I know, I know, I drink plenty of water!” but although that may be true compared to most people, my body was still screaming for more! Now, in between my 2 hour juice breaks, I drink about 21 oz of water just to er on the side of caution.

Otherwise, my hunger has subsided although I still keep day dreaming about chewing on anything. Even hamburgers, which I never crave! I think the mind is a silly thing when it knows you cannot have something! On top of all that, I had 2 different dreams last night where I cheated- the first dream, I had a salad then felt really bad afterwards! The second, I opened the fridge and found 2 pieces of fried chicken, which I ate without thinking than went back to my cleanse. Jeez, at least I can still cheat in my dreams! But in reality I have not cheated and I won’t! I plan on sticking this out and turning myself back to the 70% raw diet I was on 6 months ago. 

Only 1 hour until my next juice! Pineapple, Orange Banana. YUM. Although I have to say, the green juices are my favorite. Most people don’t like the taste of green smoothies or green juices but my body craves them! And the greens are the most important ones for your body. Too much fruit can give you a sugar high. Although it’s a natural sugar high it still isn’t good. The general idea is 80% greens and 20% fruit just to taste, simply because some people can’t drink a green drink without plugging the nose. But if you’re looking to add more greens to your diet, start your day with a green smoothie using the above ratio I described then go about the rest of your day eating your normal meals. See how you feel! I challenge ya 🙂